Congratulations on your acceptance into the Academy! Now run along, or you'll be late for your first class and/or temporal distortion altering decades of established continuity.
Long Description:
Greetings, cadets! Congratulations on your acceptance into the Academy. Please be aware that any claims that you have already been FED sector troubleshooters for the previous ten yearcycles are treasonous rumors spread by mutant Rommie traitors. Now run along, or you'll be late for your first class and/or temporal distortion altering decades of established continuity. That is all. The Computer is your friend.